(Photo Credit: talkingtree.org)
Some thoughts that come to mind when celebrating with familiar music after the gigantic victory in the Devoid-of-any-Charm City last night:
1) If Gerela had gorillas, and Franco had an army, shouldn’t James Harrison and LaMarr Woodley be getting a tropical island somewhere with ill-tempered bass swimming in the warm, clear waters?
2) While lyrically it sounds great that Famous Amos slipped hits when they came on the blitz, isn’t the point of pass protection for a back to pick up a blitzing linebacker or DB? Shouldn’t Mewelde Moore be banned from listening to “Big Nasty D?”
3) Since Cowher Power got the job done (eventually…Lord knows he had enough opportunities), is Roger Wood solely responsible for determining which finger the Steelers’ next ring will adorn?
4) Did the “60 Minute Men” consult a doctor after…well…I mean football games last longer than four hours sometimes?
5) Isn’t it amazing that all of these Steelers songs get outdated very quickly in the era of free agency?
A Little Bit is Better than Nada, Sometimes You Want the Whole Enchilada: Contributors to theterribleblog.com over the last week have really sunk their claws into Wines Hard (credit: Mark Madden), deriding him as “our best tight end,” and “half the man he used to be.” There is no bigger critic of Ocho Seis than yours truly, but after yesterday’s performance, he proved that is end is in fact very loose in pressure situations…and that he is twice the man that Washington and Lethal Weapon 10 are. Typically this spot is reserved for a single, standout play…but the Asian Maven made so many huge catches yesterday in clutch situations that he will henceforth be referred to as “Steelers Offense.” Any time the Steelers needed a first down…pass to Steelers Offense, who slid on his kiester 2 feet past the gold first down line with possession. Need a game winning drive? Throw to Steelers Offense and watch him turn the ball upfield for an unimaginable 30 yard gain during yesterday’s slug fest.
Athletically, Steelers Offense’s best days are probably behind him. But yesterday was a reminder of a simple, undisputable fact…best summarized by Paulie Pennino of Rocky lore:
“I know sometimes I act stupid and I say stupid things, but you kept me around and other people would have said "drop that bum." You give me respect. You know it's kinda hard for me to say these kinda things, cuz it ain't my way, but if I could just unzip myself and step out and be someone else, I'd wanna be you. You're all heart, [Hines].”
No Football Team Left Behind: Most of the addresses in the Steelers-related blogosphere have a weekly segment in which they grade the various positional units based upon their performance for the previous game. The Post-Gazette does this as well. Here at theterribleblog, we need to strive to be a little bit more original…lest our friends (read: the only people that read this blog) begin to think that all we’re doing here is a rip-off of things they can see everywhere else. So this new segment to MMBUDL will be called “Grading Analogies,” and will be themed after each week’s game. This week, since there are only 11 shopping days left before Boxing Day, our theme will be, “When You’re on a Holiday,” sponsored by Weezer:
Quarterback - Yesterday was a little bit like Columbus Day for ben roethlisberger…he climbed behind the wheel of his ship and led his crew to a discovery of strange, new lands. In this case, the opponents endzone.
Running Back - What better way to end a week in which William Jefferson Parker admonished the franchise for failing to return to “Steelers Football,” than by staging his own little version of Yom Kippur? He fasted from touching the ball doing anything notable with it for 4 quarters…far shorter than the 25 hours of traditional observance. Not quite the day of atonement, eh seemingly-less-fast Willie?
Wide Receivers - What’s better than spring, when the flowers are blooming and the weather finally breaks? After the fall/winter holiday season, the only thing that remotely gives anyone a break until the summer vacation extravaganza is Easter. And if the pitch and catch of yesterday’s game was anything like the traditional Egg Toss that takes place, only the Asian Maven would have been standing after the first round. Interesting parallel with coming back from the dead as well.
TE/O-Line - “Phil?! Phil Connors?!” Was the Steelers offensive line play as bad as it has been in the past few games? Probably not. But there were several occasions where breakdowns by Stapleton and Essex were giving me the déjà vu feeling of Bill Murray’s finest feature film and notable Pennsylvania occasion: Groundhog Day.
Defensive Line - The RMoNB and his sidekicks celebrated Arbor Day a few weeks late. They basically planted themselves in the moist, Maryland soil and stood tall like sequoias in assuring their defensive dominance.
Linebackers - Ever heard the phrase, “there’s a party in the backfield and you’re all invited?” The Steelers linebackers have been routinely celebrating Cinco de Mayo in many offensive backfields this season. Important because this only celebrates an important strategic victory in the fight for Mexican independence, but not Mexican independence itself. Only one sack, but held Flacco to a 22.2 passer rating.
Defensive Backs - With a front 7 that plays at an astounding level, could yesterday’s game have been anything but Christmas for the Steelers defensive backs? Should also get credit for the 22.2 passer rating of one Joseph “I don’t want to play behind Tyler Palko, but boy Pitt could have used me last year” Flacco.
Future Insights from the Big Screen: The movie quotes that inspired a sports weekend:
“Well, hello Mr. Fancy Pants! I’ve got news for you, pal. You ain’t leadin’ but two things right now: Jack and shit…and Jack just left town.” – Ash Williams (Army of Darkness) speaking to Ravens fans on the way to their cars last evening following their 13-9 defeat to the Steelers in “THE BIGGEST GAME IN RAVENS HISTORY!!!”
“Every time Catherine would turn on the microwave, I’d piss my pants and forget who I was for about half an hour.” – Eddie Johnson (National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation) giving Washington Redskins HC Jim Zorn media advice following their crushing defeat to the lowly Cincinnati Bengals.
“Your basic Arachnid warrior isn’t too smart. You can blow off a limb and it’s still 86 percent combat effective. Here’s a tip: aim for the nerve stem and put it down for good.” – Carl Jenkins (Starship Troopers) giving Dick LeBeau advice prior to the Steelers/Ravens game on how to destroy the evil forces of Joe Flacco and LeRon McClain.
Lies, Damned Lies and Statistics: So after 14 weeks of football, one question has surfaced as key. Are the Steelers just a poor offensive football team, or an average offensive football team with a brutal schedule? What has the Steelers performance been relative to the competition they have faced this year? Let’s just see about that:
Game 1: Steelers 38 – Texans 17
Steelers Total Yards: 305
Texans Avg. Yards Allowed: 337.8
Texans Avg. Points Allowed: 24.5
Current Defensive Rank (Yardage) for Texans: 21st
Game 2: Steelers 10 – Browns 6
Steelers Total Yards: 281
Browns Avg. Yards Allowed: 359.3
Browns Avg. Points Allowed: 21.2
Current Defensive Rank (Yardage) for Browns: 26th
Game 3: Eagles 15 – Steelers 6
Steelers Total Yards: 180
Eagles Avg. Yards Allowed: 280.5
Eagles Avg. Points Allowed: 10.2
Current Defensive Rank (Yardage) for Eagles: 3rd
Game 4: Steelers 23 – Ravens 20
Steelers Total Yards: 237
Ravens Avg. Yards Allowed: 257.5
Ravens Avg. Points Allowed: 15.2
Current Defensive Rank (Yardage) for Ravens: 2nd
Game 5: Steelers 26 – Jaguars 21
Steelers Total Yards: 415
Jaguars Avg. Yards Allowed: 319.1
Jaguars Avg. Points Allowed: 22.1
Current Defensive Rank (Yardage) for Jaguars: 15th
Game 6: Steelers 38 – Bengals 10
Steelers Total Yards: 375
Bengals Avg. Yards Allowed: 343.3
Bengals Avg. Points Allowed: 25.6
Current Defensive Rank (Yardage) for Bengals: 22nd
Game 7: Giants 21 – Steelers 14
Steelers Total Yards: 249
Giants Avg. Yards Allowed: 285.8
Giants Avg. Points Allowed: 17.6
Current Defensive Rank (Yardage) for Giants: 6th
Game 8: Steelers 23 – Redskins 6
Steelers Total Yards: 224
Redskins Avg. Yards Allowed: 284.8
Redskins Avg. Points Allowed: 19.0
Current Defensive Rank (Yardage) for Redskins: 5th
Game 9: Colts 24 – Steelers 20
Steelers Total Yards: 326
Colts Avg. Yards Allowed: 317.2
Colts Avg. Points Allowed: 19.6
Current Defensive Rank (Yardage) for Colts: 11th
Game 10: Steelers 11 – Chargers 10
Steelers Total Yards: 410
Chargers Avg. Yards Allowed: 346.5
Chargers Avg. Points Allowed: 21.6
Current Defensive Rank (Yardage) for Chargers: 25th
Game 11: Steelers 27 – Bengals 10
Steelers Total Yards: 364
Bengals Avg. Yards Allowed: 343.3
Bengals Avg. Points Allowed: 25.6
Current Defensive Rank (Yardage) for Bengals: 22nd
Game 12: Steelers 33 – Patriots 10
Steelers Total Yards: 333
Patriots Avg. Yards Allowed: 320.1
Patriots Avg. Points Allowed: 21.6
Current Defensive Rank (Yardage) for Patriots: 16th
Game 13: Steelers 20 – Cowboys 13
Steelers Total Yards: 238
Cowboys Avg. Yards Allowed: 287.0
Cowboys Avg. Points Allowed: 20.6
Current Defensive Rank (Yardage) for Cowboys: 7th
Game 14: Steelers 13 – Ravens 9
Steelers Total Yards: 311
Ravens Avg. Yards Allowed: 257.5
Ravens Avg. Points Allowed: 15.2
Current Defensive Rank (Yardage) for Ravens: 2nd
So a synopsis:
- The Steelers have played 9 games out of 14 against teams with defenses ranked in the top half of the league. They have played defenses in the top 1/3rd of the league (ranked 1-11 – Ravens #2 (twice), Eagles #3, Redskins #5, Giants #6, Cowboys #7 and Colts #11) in half (7 of 14) of their games.
- The Steelers have over-performed in total yardage vs. average yards allowed against their opponents in 7 of 14 games.
- The Steelers have over-performed in total points vs. average points allowed against their opponents in 8 of 14 games.
Though sometimes (very) painful to watch, maybe…just maybe…it’s possible that the Steelers offense is actually performing slightly above par given their competition and brutally difficult schedule this year. 11-3 against a schedule that includes a non-division schedule that is a combined 83-60-1? I’ll take it.
Finally, the Happy Thought of the Week: Argue all you want about various penalties that are called against the Steelers during the game, but by far the greatest penalty of yesterday’s game was the personal foul on Jeff Reed following the extra point on the go-ahead touchdown. On television, it didn’t look like much…nothing more than a little love tap. Certainly the 15 yard penalty on the kickoff didn’t really help matters either, shortening the field for inept Joe Flacco to try and drive his team for a necessary touchdown against the leagues #1 defense. But can you imagine the conversation that must have taken place for him to draw the flag? Was there a mention of choking him with his “cleavage?” Something along the lines of “I knocked that stiff…speaking of stiff, you stiff!” The happy thought of the week is Jeff Reed’s new MMBUDL nickname: Stiff.
