So the next 4 days for me will consist of trying to watch TV and not think too much about Sunday. The over analyzation is already killing me softly. There is no better way to keep my eyes and ears from finding the 4 letter network than to give you, the Terrible Readers, another dose of the critically acclaimed, pulitzer prize nominated and now, with an extra drop of retsin, Thoughts From The Couch/ Pre Championship Game Edition...
1. The 4 letter network, Fox Sports and Sports Illustrated are at it again with their talking points. This week's? Joe Flacco is cool. I actually watched a 5 minute piece that had Todd Heap, Derrick Mason and Willis McGahee all say the exact same thing: The thing about Flacco is, he's so cool under pressure. Rachel Nichols mentioned how he "Doesn't panic" at least 2 dozen times in her report. Panic? He throws 18 passes a game, barely has to even make a play and doesn't have to worry about his defense if he turns the ball over. Who would panic? What does the national media expect Flacco to do? run out to the huddle in a bike helmet and blue jeans, with his jeresy on backwards? Then he goes to the huddle, instead of calling a play, he sings the opening theme song to the Gary Shandling Show has projectile diarrhea and falls asleep standing up? Get a grip people.
2. Thoughts From The Couch Fun Fact of the Week: Rowdy Roddy Piper has been stabbed 3 times in his life.
3. I don't want to toot my own horn or anything, but my "If He Dies, He Dies" column from yesterday was pretty much spot on. I hate Ovechkin, but goodness he is a man amongst boys out there.
4. When did wallet chains become en vogue again? Mickey Rourke is on the Jimmy Kimmel show wearing one, Heath Ledger's Joker wore one in the Dark Knight, I've seen them as part of awards show red carpet suits. Remember when the wallet chain was reserved for the guy in auto shop class with slicked back hair who smoked marlboros, listened to "One" by Metallica so often that his cassette boom box wore out, wore tight jeans and was usually named "Billy" or "Knuckles" ? I miss those days.
5. I think Keith Olberman and Rachel Maddow are the same person.
6. Has there ever been less heat for an NFC championship game?
7. You know what bothers me? The Terrible Tree or whatever the hell it's called. Do we honestly have to have a pep rally for professional athletes? Who are these things "Pepping"? The fans? cause I'm pretty sure the players aren't watching and going, "Hey, they like us, they really like us, Let's win it for all those people singing Here We Go instead of actually being at work" Let's all head back to work and let the Professional Athlete's motivate themselves.
8. Shady is gone. NFL Draft it is. If he's there at #30, 31 or 32...I'm just saying.
9.I like to periodically look through porn titles on comcast on demand to find funny titles. (Seriously, $11.99 or free porn on the internet?) This week's TFTC Pay Per View Porn Title of the Week: "Who's Nailin' Palin?" a porn with a woman playing Sara Palin, getting ganged up by Russian spies. I guess what I'm asking here is this: Where can I get my hands on "Who's plowin' Mimi Eisenhower?" or "Olympia Do Cock Us"?
10. If McDonalds had it's way every group of friends would have 1 white guy, 1 black guy, 1 asian guy and 1 Hispanic guy. They would also sing acapella together about various dollar menu items.
11. There is this band called Chux Beta. They rock. I highly recommend checking them out www.myspace.com/chuxbeta
12. Shameless plugs are lame.
I'll meet you back on the couch Sunday night.
Be Easy.
9 comments:
That game last night was amazing... until the third period. Is Ovey good? Yes. If I could suit up for one game against them, what would I do? Knock the hee-haw out of his teeth.
It's frustrating to watch a player like him yelling and cheering and wetting himself every time the Caps score. Someone needs to knock him off his yellow laces the next time he does it.
Rant over. Well done Dunn.
yeah, it sucks that he can't have a little more tact. There's nothing I love more than when guys score goals and get super excited...like Geno, but taunting the other team is bush leauge. Also, he looks like frankenstien.
Thanks for reading Sparks!!
I agree about the Steelers pep rallies.
Although, if Harrison would show up in a Steelers varsity jacket and tell the crowd about a dream he had last night winning the Texas State Football Championship, I'd be there.
“Panic? He throws 18 passes a game, barely has to even make a play and doesn't have to worry about his defense if he turns the ball over. Who would panic?”
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Like the Old Iron City Beer comericials "You Tell Em"
Thanks to No.4 I will never haft to do another sit up in my life.
Hey Hey lay off Rachel. Lol
"Olympia Do Cock Us"? lol FYI Nalin Palin is wack , automatic download and delete.
Racial harmony thru McDonalds, is it not utopian?
I don’t know whats worse…
Having caps games on tv thrown in my face all the time
DVRing last night game watching it late as f*** only to watch the Pens get crushed.
Or seing dozens of drunken Caps fans on the Metro on the way home from work periodically, while thinking to my self “I hate these f***** people and all of their kind”
Like yall have said tho Ovey is great, and that real life and my Godly NHL 2009 skills
Good ish Dunn.
The couch is where the magic happens lol
Dame, there's no worse kind of human than Capitals fans...ok, maybe Flyers fans...or Ravens fans...Patriots fans? Ok maybe it's us. haha
on Rachel and Olbie...I swear, his show ends, he takes off his glasses, the stage crew changes backgrounds, the make up people run in do him up and boom. the Rachel Maddow show! Ok, I'll go easy on your girl!
I'm a hypocrite, I'll be rockin' a wallet chain within a week.
glad you like the Dukakis reference, It's stil hard for me to stomach that we may have readers that weren't even alive when she was running for first lady.
oh and good lookin out on Naiin Palin, cause if you know me, you know I would've probably hit the order button on that fairly soon.
you know what, I hate McDonalds ads, but if they are the only true way to unity, I'm on board! Let's find us an Asian field reporter a Hispanic coumnist and start living the dream! (Dame, I will not however harmonize with you over a 4 piece Chicken McNugget, I hope you understand)
thanks for reading D!
I used to rock a wallet chain. I got it stuck in the slatted wooden benches at the Monroeville Mall while shrooming one time...had to dismantle it to get free. Good times!!!
God, I hope that Signor's last comment wasn't lost among the Terrible readers.
I hope you ate at The Brown Derby after that. Good times.
Dunn:
Understood lol
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