Was it just me, or was there some juice missing in the run-up to Super Bowl Polamalu over the last couple of weeks? Maybe it was the deteriorating condition of the world’s economy. Maybe it was the fact that most western Pennsylvanians and native western Pennsylvanians were still hungover from Obama-mania. Maybe it was the fact that the Steelers had hoisted the Lombardi Trophy only three years ago, marking the first time in a generation (defined in this circumstance as 26 years) that they had accomplished the feat. Maybe we liked Ken Whisenhunt (not anymore), Russ Grimm, Special Teams Ace Sean Morey, Pitt’s Gerald Hayes, Pitt’s Larry Fitzgerald and Clarion’s Reggie Wells and their heartwarming tale and don’t like being the bad guys. Whatever it was, there seemed a real pall cast upon this ballgame as it approached, as if it were something smaller than it actually was.

For Turrible, it wasn’t until game day, hours before kickoff, that it began to feel like a Super Sunday again. For our forefathers (defined in this circumstance as our fathers and mothers), return trips to the Promised Land became standard fare, with 4 wins in 6 years. There was something all-together-different about this experience for myself and the younger generation. I wonder if Sox fans felt this way after they won a second World Championship after breaking the Curse…or if fans of the great Jordan-led Bulls teams became complacent after winning repeatedly, so much so that it became a relief to win a championship…or if Bengals or Browns fans will ever have an opportunity to feel this way (editors note: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA).

And now, in honor of the Post-Gazette declaring the city “Six-Burgh,” the following prelude to Monday Morning Back-Up Defensive Lineman:



LUUUUUCY!!! YOU GOT LOT OF ‘SPLAININ TO DO!!!: Enough has been said and written about the outstanding efforts of James Harrison and SB43MVP (if ever indicted, have they already set aside this nomenclature for his prisoner number?) Lethal Weapon 10 that those plays will not be focused upon. Besides, Turrible’s single play analysis has traditionally taken a negative bent on the “did well/do better” scale. And while Ben Roethlisberger (he earned the capital letters last night) gave a shout-out to his beleaguered offensive line from the podium, it bears mentioning that they were below average again…as evidenced on virtually every running play and multiple pass attempts where Ben was literally running for his life. Nope, enough has been said about all of these components and players for us to focus on any of the traditional whipping boys in this segment. Besides, Turrible knows why the Steelers almost lost the game yesterday…and it was evidenced on one single play.

The play in question was directly after the best play of the entire evening, the one that should have brought the greatest joy to a Steelers fan’s heart midway through the fourth quarter. With about 7.5 minutes left, the Steelers lined up in the I-formation…THE I-FORMATION. This is the same I-FORMATION that features a lead-blocking fullback in front of a tailback…the one that blocks the first person that breaks through your porous offensive line and allows you to gain positive yardage. It was the first I-FORMATION of the entire evening, and the result was a four yard gain on first down. That, friends, was the best play of the entire evening…as it demonstrated that the Steelers do in fact have what appears to be a fullback type of player on the roster, and when utilized, someone who can make positive yardage happen by throwing himself into oncoming rushers. Then, the play in question transpired on the very next snap…

The following is an actual transcript of what was on Turrible’s mind (that may have actually stumbled out of his pursed lips): “WHY THE F--- ARE WE IN FIVE WIDE ON SECOND AND F---ING SIX?! WHAT THE F--- ARE YOU DOING ARIANS?! YOU ONLY INSTALLED ONE PLAY WITH THE F---ING I-FORMATION?! WHAT THE…a f---ing sack. A F---ING SACK. YOU GODDAMNED PIECE OF DOG S---. WHAT THE F--- IS WRONG WITH YOU, YOU GODDAMNED A--HOLE?!”

Eloquent? Probably not. Accurate? Oh absolutely. It was reminiscent of the AFC Playoff game that the Steelers pissed away against Jacksonville last year, except that it was the exact opposite of that with almost the same result. The premise is very simple, readers. If you do not have confidence that your offensive lineman can seal gaps sufficiently enough to get into the four-minute drill and run the clock out by running out of a single-back formation, try utilizing a two-back formation where one is lined up directly in front of the other one. Run the first guy into or near the hole through which you would like the second back to go, and then allow your shifty, smaller back with the ball to make a cut off of that initial block.

It is the simplest concept in tackle football, man on man at the point of attack, may the best athlete win. Apparently, Bruce Arians skipped that day of gym class when they were teaching basic American football concepts in preschool. Even Matt Cavanaugh wouldn’t have done that…and that’s saying something. Ben Roethlisberger, as he has all season, saved Bruce Arians’ ass last night. Odds are that this trend cannot continue for the Steelers to enjoy sustainable success. I hate Bruce Arians for making me miss Jerome Bettis, a preening narcissist in his own right.

Incidentally, as a prelude to “Future Insights from the Big Screen,” I offer you the following exchange between Ken Whisenhunt and Bruce Arians when it came down to final consideration for the Arizona Cardinals head coaching position…Red played by Whisenhunt, and Arians played by the Fonz:



FUTURE INSIGHTS FROM THE BIG SCREEN: The movie quotes that inspired a Super Bowl weekend.

“That’s kinda like my old man told me one time, Lynn. The only thing better than a crawfish dinner, is five crawfish dinners,” Coach Red Beaulieu (Waterboy) giving Art Rooney, Jr. analogical advice on both football and nutrition prior to yesterday’s contest.

“You're a goddamn quarterback! You know what that means? It's the top spot, kid. It's the guy who takes the fall. It's the guy everybody's looking at first - the leader of a team - who will support you when they understand you. Who will break their ribs and their noses and their necks for you, because they believe. 'Cause you make them believe. That's a quarterback,” Coach Tony D’Amato (Any Given Sunday) seen on the sidelines talking to Ben Roethlisberger as Larry Fitzgerald sprinted past defenders to give the Cardinals a 23-20 lead with less than three minutes to go in Super Bowl Polamalu.

“Get some sour cream and onion chips with some dip, man, some beef jerky, some peanut butter. Get some Häagen-Dazs ice cream bars, a whole lot, make sure chocolate, gotta have chocolate, man. Some popcorn, red popcorn, graham crackers, graham crackers with marshmallows, the little marshmallows and little chocolate bars and we can make s'mores, man. Also, celery, grape jelly, Cap'n Crunch with the little Crunch berries, pizzas. We need two big pizzas, man, everything on 'em, with water, whole lotta water, and Funyons. Yeah,” Brian (Half Baked) discussing post-game, um, consumption plans with SB43MVP Lethal Weapon 10.

LIES, DAMNED LIES AND STATISTICS: This isn’t a section for sore losers or bad winners, so let’s take a minute to talk about one of the greatest athletes in the sport today and former Pittsburgh Panther great Larry Fitzgerald, Jr. Inevitably (come fantasy football draft time next year), somebody is going to shoot a statistic out there that will carelessly extrapolate his performance over 4 playoff games into a 16 game NFL regular season. But is it really that careless? As an homage to the greatness of #1 (or #11 as he’s now known), Turrible wants to be the first one to do it and ruin that “in-depth analysis” for all of the stiffs out there who get paid to write fantasy football stuff for a living (I’m just jealous):

120 Catches (Record is 143 – Marvin Harrison, 2002)
2184 Yards (Record is 1,848 – Jerry Rice, 1995)
28 Touchdowns (Record is 23 – Randy Moss, 2007)

Does anybody else believe that this kind of season, with the caveat of Kurt Warner at the helm and Anquan Boldin on the other side, is entirely possible? Congratulations on a terrific run, Fitz. And if somebody had to almost break the hearts of Steelers Nation, Turrible is glad it was almost you. Almost.

FINALLY, THE HAPPY THOUGHT OF THE WEEK: The 2009 NFL Draft is in 81 days, the Steelers will be playing in prime time and early in Week 1 (giving us a three day jump on the rest of the league), and we’ll get to do this all over again very soon. Stay tuned to theterribleblog.com during the offseason, as we will get into the draft, offseason acquisitions and other Pittsburgh sports related stuff. And enjoy number 6, Pittsburgh.